It starts with a family talk. “What do you want to achieve from this?” asks Joelle El Khoury, the family wellness and mental health specialist at Zulal Wellness Resort by Chiva-Som, about our week ahead. She reels off activities and treatments, from cooking and paddle-boarding to eco trail walks. Clem, my 15 year old, is excited about Pilates, her new passion, and potential mani pedis. Cat, my 10 year old, always resistant, declares she will spend all her time in the pools. El Khoury and team are patient and kind, gently encouraging her to think about trying new things. My mind reels too, trying to figure out what would work for my children.
Almost 12 months ago, my wife Kate died following long-term treatment for metastatic breast cancer. The past few years have been brutal for all the family. I arrive here feeling drained, worried about how my daughters are coping, and figuring out how to be a single parent. That’s why we have come to Zulal: for emotional support and advice on how to improve our lack of sleep, but also to spend quality time together. Joining us is Laura, Kate’s older sister, who helped me care for her in her final days and is the closest person the girls now have to Kate.
Set by a turquoise lagoon at the northern tip of Qatar, Zulal looks like a traditional walled village, albeit with top-notch cuisine and an exhaustive menu of activities. Managed by Thai wellness titan Chiva-Som, it offers the same blend of Ayurvedic, Western and Far Eastern practices as the original, except here the focus is Traditional Arabic and Islamic Medicine (TAIM) – and it actively encourages families to stay.
The sense of calm is palpable. Staff greet us with the Arabic welcome of “Marhaba”, and we are asked to leave our mobile phones in our rooms, which are pared-down spaces with plunge pools and outdoor showers. The main hub of treatment rooms, restaurants and relaxation areas is divided in two: adults-only Serenity and Discovery Oasis, which caters to all ages. In a world where children face issues such as depression, OCD, obesity, bulimia and screen addiction, family time is more important than ever. Discovery is run by child and family specialists who help guests to holistically address any issues they might be facing. Every family has a check-in consultation, with activities centred around bonding to get children off their devices. Adults might receive treatments while the kids play, or families can enjoy curated quality time together alongside dialled-down treatment programmes, exercise and cookery.
Before I came, my therapist at home told me I wear a mask that hides how I’m really feeling. To the rest of the world it seemed like I was coping, but inside I was a mess. I have an incredibly demanding job but had been taking more and more time off, getting stressed about the smallest tasks. Kate and I tried to shield our daughters from the worst of her illness, but as a result her death came as even more of a shock. We are working through the stages of grief, which I have learned is not a linear process. We are night owls, and are not eating properly – relying on takeaways, which I feel guilty about. I constantly think that I should be doing better.
While the girls enjoy themselves by the pool, I spend the first two days going through therapeutic options and health diagnostics. During a solo session with Orranat Thanamteun, my health and wellness advisor, we discuss my grief, career burnout and fatigue from looking after Kate during her last 18 months, and work out a plan to reduce my poor focus and anxiety. My days start early, waking to a crimson sunrise. A reiki session energises, a series of massages helps me unwind – especially the full-body tadleek, designed to improve blood and lymphatic flow – while a consultation with TAIM specialist Dr Bibi Lockhart reveals that my dominant humour is the melancholic Earth element, which enables her to tell me which foods to avoid and offer other lifestyle advice. She gives me a sweet violet oil spray to aid sleep, which I have been using since.
A body composition analysis, using a state-of-the-art InBody device, measures my fat and muscle; thankfully, all the takeout food has not added too much visceral fat. And the physical assessment is a revelation. Through gentle movements to check my posture and points of stress, I learn that I put more pressure on my left side, the reason behind the aches and pains I have experienced over the years, which required trips to the osteopath. The pranayama breathing class is especially memorable. I learn to improve my lung capacity by holding my breath and “locking” my chin against my chest. It is a mind-over-body experience that gives me a strong sense of achievement – and a little light-headedness.
But it is the moments we spend together as a family that are most special. The mix of therapeutic activities for us all and separate ones for Clem and Cat is just right. We all enjoy a floating meditation in salt water that has been channelled into the swimming area from the Persian Gulf, and goggle Saturn’s rings through powerful telescopes during stargazing sessions. We learn to shape clay on a potter’s wheel, and how to make a Spicylita mocktail – a clever combination of ginger, turmeric, lemon juice and honey. Cat, always the most obstinate one, point-blank refuses to do some activities, but when she does take part, she enjoys them, so I have been using that to remind her to try new things in future. During a shoulder massage, she falls asleep; the therapist tucks her in and leaves her curled up. It’s good to see them relax, and there is often laughter.
After our months of takeaway food, the gluten-free menus at Zulal are a revelation. The lamb with mint sauce at the barbecue restaurant, Malbu, is the best I have ever tasted, followed closely by the lamb with tahini at Aizoon. They make healthier versions of food that Cat likes, such as chicken nuggets, but grilled rather than fried. My favourite part is the girls’ synchronised eating of little puddings, which they rate for taste, consistency and other qualities. The winner? Black lemon brûlée and pistachio raspberry cake.
At the end of our week, I meet El Khoury again. Over chamomile tea, we talk about the stages of grief and my family’s experience at Zulal. Drawing on her training as a clinical psychologist, she highlights the different ways Clem and Cat grieve (given their ages and personality types), and leaves me with useful advice on how to continue supporting them. Since returning home, as I reflect on our time at Zulal, I feel calmer and grateful for the memories and the kindness. The girls had a great time with each other and Laura. And it helped me realise that, while still prioritising my kids, I also need to take care of myself to avoid burnout.
Once I found a balance between focusing on myself, enjoying the treatments and learning new things about my body but also opting out of a few things to spend time with the girls, I realised that everything felt more positive. I want to emulate this balance in my everyday life, so I now take walks every morning, and have booked a canoeing trip with a friend for next year, as well as making more effort to meet others. It’s only the start, but these are the little life rafts I need as I go through what I have to go through.
Healing Holidays (healingholidays.com/condenast) can arrange a five-night Reconnect programme from £4,199 per family of four (two adults and two children below the age of 12 years), including transfers, full board and treatments