Supported by a plump cushion, I kneel silently in seiza watching the morning sun catch the eaves of the bell tower outside the window, bathing its copper tiles and vermillion columns in crisp light. The glow seeps into the garden below, over topiarised azalea, stone lanterns and a lotus pond, filtering through maple leaves on the cusp of autumn.
I shift on my knees, seeking a less distracting position, wondering if my kids at home have done their music practice and whether I should have opted for crossed legs. Certainly not lotus or even half lotus. I take a deep, intentional breath, sensing the stillness of those beside me in zazen, or sitting meditation. I cast my eyes down, letting my thoughts come and go as the garden fades from my consciousness.
Soon, without warning, a bell chimes. The incense stick of time has burned down. I shake out my legs and follow the head priest – shaved head, flowing brown and black robes, padding barefoot across the tatami – into the ceremony hall, noticeably cool at this early hour. He prostrates himself in front of the altar before breaking into a haunting, discordant ritual chanting that fills the hall, offering blessings: to Buddha, to his teachings and to the temple family, which, for a short while, includes me. At the close, I make my own offering – hands held in gassho (prayer) – and we leave the hall for breakfast.
This is how days begin at Dairyuji, an 800-year-old Zen temple in Akita prefecture, in Tohoku, Japan; a place of ancient beams, lofty halls and deep, deep time. But Dairyuji is also the vibrant temple-home of the 38th head priest Keno Miura, his American wife Gretchen – a meditation teacher and grief educator – and their four adult children. Twice a year, the family welcomes a small group of participants (in our case, seven travellers and Tokyo expats) for a two-night Zen Mindfulness retreat based around the Soto Zen tenet that practice (including zazen, cleaning, cooking, daily chores) and enlightenment are one in the same. The retreat uses mindfulness practices that focus on self-compassion and acceptance without judgement, the chance to “slow down, breathe and be present in your life”.
I’m habitually frazzled by work and mum-guilt, so it is just what I need – incorporated into a wider Japan itinerary – to recharge and learn ways to reduce stress and the pace of life back home in London. Happily, the retreat is unlike a typical (and typically austere) Japanese temple stay. Morning and evening zazen at Dairyuji are by no means compulsory nor the point. Rather, these and other activities – yoga, meditations, mindful crafts – are an “offering” to take up as you wish.
Which is how I find myself, later that first morning, stretched out on a yoga mat in Dairyuji’s lofty Memorial Hall, surrounded by bodhi-sattvas (compassionate deities) and butsudan altars belonging to the temple’s member families. In this extraordinary setting, instructor Aiko Fujiwara takes our group through stretching, held postures and breathwork exercises that are difficult to master but energising. Afterwards, we climb the bell tower to view the mountains and Sea of Japan, before sitting down together for donburi rice bowls. In the subsequent free time, myself and a fellow solo traveller take a stroll down to nearby Oga town, falling instantly into conversation about purpose, grief, mental load – and how things might be different after this weekend.
Finding peace in the moment is a start – and it comes that afternoon as we place seashells, acorns and other small objects into circles to create mandalas. “This creative expression can get you to a place of non-thinking,” Gretchen explains. “The mandala represents wholeness – the idea that you can have sorrow and joy at the same time. Within mindfulness or Zen this is not a paradox, it is just part of being human.”
Gretchen reveals how, after her mother died, she made a huge mandala on the beach and watched as it was eventually washed away by the tide. The process helped her to accept her grief as part of herself. The gut response to our own mandalas is to wonder at how such a simple activity could be so engrossing, so freeing and, crucially, how we can nurture such mindful moments in our everyday lives.
I turn this over in my head as I walk in the hillside cemetery, along Dairyuji’s wooden hallways and as I lie on my futon at night in a tatami room decorated with calligraphy quoting the Heart Sutra. My fellow participants and I discuss this – and much more – with Keno and Gretchen over open-hearted, convivial meals that include fantastic homemade kiritanpo (Akita hotpot). Further, revealing conversations – and relaxation – are had naked (gender-segregated) beneath the stars, during an evening trip to a hot spring.
The morning of our departure, Keno chimes the bell to wake us for sunrise. The sky is a cloudless, deep orange as we sit with him for zazen – then stand for a guided walking meditation. Morning service and breakfast are followed by closing activities based around the three jewels of Buddhism: Buddha, his teaching and community. We craft goshuin temple seals, using calligraphy and ink stamps, and write letters reflecting on what we will take away with us. For me, that is to try to “accept without judging” – a lifelong challenge, but one that is at least now front of mind. I will also take with me a deeper understanding of Zen culture, and intend to permit myself guilt-free quiet time for meditation.
Our hosts’ generous spiritual and practical advice continues right up until departure, when Gretchen shares one more valuable insight: the Japanese saying “ichi-go, ichi-e”, which means “to notice and treasure the present moment”. I’ve been hanging onto it ever since returning. In fact, I’m channelling it – with Zen-like calm – right now – with dinner on the hob and my youngest hollering from upstairs about missing ballet tights. Ichi-go, ichi-e.
More calm spots in Japan
Balneotherapy in Hokkaido
Feel restored by Japan’s ancient healing practice of onsen bathing on the shore of Lake Poroto in Hokkaido, where a rare alkaline mineral spring is renowned for its skin repair and conditioning properties. Contemporary ryokan Kai Poroto provides guests with a guide to breathing and stretching techniques to maximise the benefits of hot spring therapy in its magnificent bathhouses, inspired by ancient Ainu design.
From about £320 half board; hoshinoresorts.com
Zen meditation on Awaji Island
Take a (reassuringly ergonomic) seat on the striking 100m Zen meditation deck at Zenbo Seinei, for zazen surrounded by forested Awaji Island near Osaka. Designed by Pritzker prize-winning architect Shigeru Ban, the retreat’s wellness stay also features meditative calligraphy, a tea ceremony and cuisine based on local fermentation culture.
One-night Zen Stay from about £245; zenbo-seinei.com
Living well in Kyoto
Experience the gentle mindfulness of everyday Japanese living with Maana Homes – creators of Kyoto’s most stylish machiya traditional stays – which has launched four themed retreats in 2025 (architecture, tea, textiles, cuisine) with workshops in the Kyoto countryside.
Five-day retreats from about £4,300 per person; maanahomes.com
Natural healing in Shiga
Discover the deep connection between nature and Japanese spirituality with Zen monk and mountain guide Hiromichi Murata over four days of trail hiking in Shiga, near Kyoto. The journey includes overnights in important Zen temples en route, including Hikone Seiryo-ji, participating in meditations with resident monks.
Three nights from about £2,530; kammui.com
Secrets of longevity in Okinawa
Learn the secrets of Okinawa’s Blue Zone, famous for its centenarians. The Hoshinoya Okinawa hotel helps guests discover the four tenets for living well – ikigai (purpose), enjoyment, good food and slow living – through cultural activities island-wide.
Two-night Okinawa Blue Zone stay from about £300; hoshinoresorts.com